No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.
H. G. Wells
I am seriously thinking of making this a dedication in my next book “Fuel, Fear and Fury.”
I have been that scientist. This may mean I am also a Martian by logical deduction. But I digress.
I have been boring everyone witless over the last few months with my theories on Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD) or to put in another term, Narcissists. Or even blunter; Sociopaths. I thank you all for your kindness and forbearance. I prefer the term ‘N’s by the way. It’s less pejorative that way. They get all uptight you see when you call them ‘Hannibal Lecter’ and open the Chianti.
I have been a physicist for 30 years, Woman and Girl (Actually that’s a downright lie. But you know, a writers’ flourish? It’s 22 in point of fact) and what I have is curiosity, intellect, awareness, physical tools and a deep routed scientific methodology. I shall now brag I am a Fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society (FRAS), a Member of the Institute of Physics (MInstP) and The Royal Statistical Society (RSS). I have other qualifications too.
I am a Fellow of Gushers Are Us (FGAU), Deep Throat Queens (DTQ), and Multiple Orgasmic Women (MOW).
I feel that I have now satisfactorily displayed all of my academic credentials.
This, of course is just the abstract to my scientific (peer reviewed) paper on ‘How N’s function.’ You will find my work in all good bookstores (but not Barnes and Noble. Hate those cunts. Lame fuckers. How are they still trading?)
The big issue in society is that no one really understands what is going on with how N’s function. I mean, the N’s do of course (scratch that – some of them are aware. More anon) but everyone else? Not do much. Look at any vanilla ‘relationship’ board on the net and they are filled with platitudes such as, ‘Why is he such a dick’?’ ‘Why does he prefer porn over me?’ ‘My husband would never cheat!’ ‘Why has he just dropped me and ghosted?’ ‘He wont return my calls!’
Ya wanna know why?
You have snagged a N.
In point of fact, it’s so fucking bleeding obvious that one wonders why others can’t see it? But they can’t because they simply do not understand.
In the late autumn of 2017 I became a ‘Weaponised Empath’. It took many weeks of research, reflection and many, many thoughts before I finally got it. I began to develop my own theories. As a physicist, a theory is great but it needed to be tested or it remains just a hypothesis. I searched around for my ‘test beds’.
A few were already apparent and I interacted with them. I learnt a lot. So far, my theories were holding water. But I needed to go further.
Finally, a candidate, someone I had known in the summer of last year, came forth. I had only really known him for a few weeks and I just wasn’t sure if he was a N. So I let him in. The results were astounding. Groundbreaking In fact. The experiment went too well. I was keeping my cool, keeping that emotional distance then all of a sudden, I knew I had gone too far.
I wanted to watch, to observe; clinically and dispassionately. Just like the Martians. But I lost my edge and I didn’t even see it coming. It wasn’t a boundary; it was a fuzziness. I wasn’t even aware I was stepping over the line until it was too late.
He went away for the weekend and suddenly, I knew I was in trouble. I missed him. I rang my friends in horror. ‘I’ve gone too far’, I said. They soothed me and rightly told me to go full No Contact. Immediately. I’m ashamed to say I did not do this.
Because I wanted him.
I not only let him in, I let him IN. Mea Culpa etcs
Thankfully because of his own nature he has placed me back on the shelf. He has now clocked that I am aware and the fuel supply handle is now firmly in the OFF position.
I still miss him though.