Under Poison Wood (Apologies to Dylan Thomas)

So, I’m writing a book. This one is about how Empaths cope in the aftermath of the utter wreckage a narc can impose on one’s life. It’s called Fear, Fuel and Fury. There are very sound reasons I chose that title.

๐…๐ž๐š๐ซ – The threat as opposed to the action is often far more important than the act itself. This is because it relies on very little effort on the Narcs behalf. Narcs are almost extraordinarily energy efficient.

๐…๐ฎ๐ž๐ฅ – Narcissistic Supply or energy. Utterly vital to how the narc functions

๐…๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฒ- This isn’t just a normal reaction – like anger to a given set of stimuli. The fury lurks juuussst underneath the skin of every single narcissistic and is pretty much always on 24/7.

I’ve got two thoughts whirring in my mind tonight. The first is this quote from a poem by Dylan Thomas.

๐ท๐‘œ ๐‘›๐‘œ๐‘ก ๐‘”๐‘œ ๐‘”๐‘’๐‘›๐‘ก๐‘™๐‘’ ๐‘–๐‘›๐‘ก๐‘œ ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐‘”๐‘œ๐‘œ๐‘‘ ๐‘›๐‘–๐‘”โ„Ž๐‘ก,
๐‘‚๐‘™๐‘‘ ๐‘Ž๐‘”๐‘’ ๐‘ โ„Ž๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘™๐‘‘ ๐‘๐‘ข๐‘Ÿ๐‘› ๐‘Ž๐‘›๐‘‘ ๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘ฃ๐‘’ ๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐‘๐‘™๐‘œ๐‘ ๐‘’ ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘‘๐‘Ž๐‘ฆ;
๐‘…๐‘Ž๐‘”๐‘’, ๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘”๐‘’ ๐‘Ž๐‘”๐‘Ž๐‘–๐‘›๐‘ ๐‘ก ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘‘๐‘ฆ๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘™๐‘–๐‘”โ„Ž๐‘ก.

The second is something that a dear friend said to me. “Don’t look into the abyss because the abyss will stare right back at you and grab you!”

That predisposes that I am afraid. That I feel The Fear. I don’t. I haven’t for a long time. I have nothing to be afraid of. I know who and what I am.

The advice was very well meaning and kindly meant and I thank him for that. It is sound but only up to a point. One cannot live ones’ life in fear. Otherwise life itself becomes utterly meaningless and again; you are ensnared.

This begs much larger questions on what it means to be ‘controlled’. How are we controlled and more importantly, who is controlling who?

Going back to Thomas. Must admit, I largely thought of him as a pretty much out of control drunk. However, my own father (henceforth known as Patrinarch – PN) liked, like many of his school believed that just because he had a few classical music LP’s and had listened to the odd ‘intellectual’ radio play, that he was conning everyone into believing he was operating at a far greater cognitive level than he actually was really at.This would have impressed ‘The Ladies’ no end. (Cunt had multiple women on the go at pretty much ALL stages of his adult life)

This kind of trick is easy to pull on a child or even an adolescent. It fooled me for decades so, fair play.

One of the things I found growing up with PN is how repetitive he was. One of the things he used to ask me, time and time again was, ‘Have I ever listened to ‘Under the Milkwood’ on the radio. Now, no-one of my gen (I’m 43) EVER listened to radio saving the top 40 on a Sunday with mix tapes at the ready. Good times.

But in that ever so repetitious way the middles bang on, he kept on saying the same question over and over and over again to me growing up. My answer was always – err no! In fact, he actually put me off Thomas because he kept on saying the same thing, over and over again.

Now – tonight – I wonder if he was picking something up on a subliminal level and was desperately trying to articulate it.

Time I think for Richard Burton…

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