Sometimes, you can be quite happily pootling around the web (in this case FaceBook) when a thought is promoted. This was one of those days.
It all began innocently enough in one of my favourite groups, Gammon’s Greatest Hits. A man posts what can really only be described as a piece of garbage. Directing the venom towards ‘pot-smoking, wine-drinking, cum-filled, mandela hanging, degree obtaining women’ who will be unable to find a respectful husband because of their ‘bohemian’ ways.
Frankly, that sounds like heaven! Who wants respectability anyway?
I digress. The poster originally labelled the snippet as being written by a female. I can understand why he thought that and it’s because of how the piece starts. ‘Women my age…’ The poster corrects himself and says, no, it is a dude. Ahhh.
But hmm? Do female incels exist? Turns out they do so I went on a mission to find them. I had fallen into the trap of that age old paradigm, if somen want sex, they can have it. Far harder for males. However, that is simply not true. An eye-opener for me.
Based on my extensive reading of two sites (come on, I don’t want to wear myself out!), they largely fall into two camps. Here is the first. The woman who for some reason (which I would personally ascribe to abuse and low self esteem. All this woman wishes for is simply a man to hold her.
The second is far, more disturbing and again, involves poor self-image which then transmutes into extremely violent imagery of killing other women.
I find this very interesting as naturally, you would assume that the female would turn the violent fantasies upon the males. However, this woman is bisexual although appears to be more female leaning and says she now has a female partner and has left the Incel world behind her.
There is much to think about in both of the pieces. On what value we perceive in female body’s generally, and how radical feminism and especially TERF’s are changing the landscape of our culture.
I am struck that in the first piece of writing, that self-ascribed incel is incredibly vulnerable to further abuse. In the second, I actually have a hard time perceiving that this woman has changed fundamentally. Maybe I am wrong. Time will tell.
The second woman talks about how she didn’t fit in with all the pretty girls at school. She later goes on to describe them as sluts. It is possible that as in her words, ‘they were using their sexuality against the boys’. I have a hard time grasping that though. What, all of them?
I don’t want to spend too much time discussing this and I’d like the reader to draw their own conclusions. I will talk however, about how fashion influences feminism (or is it the other way around.).
When I was old enough to start going to clubs and bars, it was the early 90’s. Two things were happening concurrently. The rise of grunge music and the rise of the ‘ladettes’. It seemed to me that in that time, females could achieve anything. I look back on the last 20 years or so and wonder where that zeitgeist went. I just don’t perceive it to be there now. I do see women’s rights being eroded. Do not assume it’s in the US. There have been plenty of times in a professional, work environment that I have been sexually harassed, had my legitimate concerns dismissed, touched (quite a few times) and once actually spanked.
And try, if you dare, getting a coll fitted. I mean, it’s only my reproductive health! I digress. The point is, when we were all running around in docs, jeans, Jack Daniels’ t-shirts and the rest, I never thought it would be this way.
However, to pick up the narrative of the second woman. This might not be all about how women dress and it might be female on female control. The pretty, mean girls who exclude others are doing it for control. In my case, the bully in my friendship group who made it very clear that no-one was ‘allowed’ to be pretty. It’s ‘Queen Bee Syndrome’.
The thrust of the narrative in the case of the second woman becomes somewhat lost at the end as she is simulataenous arguing that we are all equal (true), that woman are more likely to be violently attacked (true) and then, fails to make the inevitable leap, it IS because of Patriarchy. The system is wired one way and we have such a long way to go at the moment.
The question to the firefront of mind is, will the numbers of female incels, femcels increase or are they just blips? Outliers in the system itself?
As always, I welcome thoughts.